Unsung heroes

[Pie no sauce]

,,a short story by Prank Hardy


The opening bounce of this short story sees a couple of chicko rolls disappear quicker than the successes after a Pie premiership.

JW : Geez Richo you sure can tuck em away mate. So how’s training going and what’s it like under Malty,?,,

MR : Yeh, I’d love one please, chocolate with extra malt, and, one teas-spoon of Ceros salt as well, Mick advises it,,,. What was that Jase ?

JW : I really miss the place you know. That’s probably why I hang around the Lulie St archimedisempologambuloustaclesapappas Milk Bar so bloody much these days, I just can’t get the routine outa my head after so many years. I’m not really game to go up the street and look thru the pailings though, I’ve been warned that one of those bloody “bulletin board” freaks might be high on URL’s or whatever it is they take, and, swipe a post at me.

MR : I think the advice was related to postings on the bulletin boards Jase. If you want my advice, don’t take any notice of them. Not one of them has ever been in the rooms let alone run on the ground as a woodsman. They mean well, but as is normal with the majority of sporting fans their idolatry behaviour is a façade.

JW : What do you mean Richo, I thought they were pretty well spot on. I gave everything I’ve got to succeed with the Club but I just couldn’t make it to the next level. I was tempted to take flowers down to Mr Wrens grave and talk it over with him but in the end I decided not to because it would have cut into my training time. I basically failed the Club, at least that’s how I feel.

MR : No you’re wrong mate, we players all know exactly how hard you trained and precisely how much a part of the bunch you were. Remember the laughs we had with Shawy about you being his love child – well before the BB posts became ugly.

JW : I remember, I just help feeling like I’ve lost some vital part of my inner being through this delisting. It’s more like a dismemberment.

MR : Any how Jase, have another Winfield mate, as I was saying, the irony is that they’ve elected to expunge their own inadequacies by imagining that their lives are somehow on par with the best team in the world which they support. Not all of them mind you, just the ugly and deluded. Their fulfillment is entirely team dependent so it comes as no surprise that when their fulfillment isn’t attained, then they need to dispense some of their prescribed justice to ensure the goal-den days return.

""jingle, jingle"" the door bell goes bonkers,

JW : Holy smoke, Patto, how are you mate, long time no see.

SP : Good Jase, how are you? Gday Richo.

MR : Gday booky how’s it goin.

JW : Yeh, I’m OK considering, booky, just been chewing the Sherrin with Richo about the sudden and dramatic change to my life.

SP : Don’t forget to write it all down Jase because I’m living on borrowed time, I can tell you that. I don’t know if you’ve surfed EB&W lately but it’s giving me the heebies I can tell you.

MR : Give it a break guys.

SP : It’s OK for you Mark, you’re so dammed laid back nothing seems to get to you, I don’t know how you stay so calm and collected.

MR : Probably because I’ve been coming to the the ground since before I was born, even when I was a twinkle in the old mans eye. Jeez, I can’t ever remember NOT having known the ground, the players, the whole CLUB. Compare it the kid of a Hollywood star if you like, you either accept it somehow or else you go stark glaring bonkers.

JW : I’ll trade places in a heartbeat Richo.

MR : Think carefully Jase, it really aint that easy I can assure you. How do think I came to recognise those supporters, the ugly and deluded, it was through personal experience,,, painful personal experience.

SP : But why didn’t you just ignore them.

MR : It’s impossible when you’re a kid. Everything is so vivid, you have a kids insecurities eating away at you and, the ugly ones, the real foul mouthed, full of venom and hate, spouse beating, living nightmares ,,,,, they scare the living crap out of us kids who are sons of sons of Collingwood. We have to live up to their expectations, it’s clearly written all over their faces. If we don’t fulfill their expectations then we’re toast.

JW : He’s right booky, you’ve seen it before, some of the guys whose fathers played should’ve been Brownlow medallists but instead they’ve gone my way and suffered terribly.

SP : So then what’s the moral here guys.

“””jingle, jingle””” the doorbell goes crazy again,

,,,,, I”LL ANSWER THAT PATTO,,,:

MM : Ignore the bastards. Pretend that they’re Big Nick and you’re salty Malty – stick it up em, retain belief in yourself and just plain do your best. Are you coming to training Red, you’re always welcome mate. C’mon you two lazy logs,,,,,,

And so the sun sets on Lulie street, the trainings all over and the lesser lights of a great tradition finally realise that even though they didn’t shine as brightly, they were still part of the grand aura that shone over this very proud street in Collingwood.

[Neil Appleby]

Very nice work PNS.
You've obviously thought deeply about this topic.
There is commendable depth and an excellent attempt to extrapolate the frustrations of being a senior player
whilst at the same time cope with the unbridled expectations of supporters. Perhaps next time you couls enlarge MM's role to show his Caring and Sharing side.
This is a good first-up effort Lawrie and i'm sure after re-drafting, you may file this as a "satisfactory completed" piece.
Please see me if you would like to talk this over(you provide the ticket to Honkers!).
Grading: B
gee, school doesn't even start till next week....I can't wait!
Seriously though, coudn't we have had Patto walking home via the train tunnel at Vic Park and seeing a mugging in progress, for once decides to get into the action and subsequently severely injured from a knife wielding member of The Unofficial Cheer Squad and is carried bloodied and beaten by one of Sly's Neo Nazi
Hoon boys to hospital where it is revealed that he has had a severly reduced heart(opposite of an enlarged heart) and needs an immediate transplant otherwise the consequences are dire:
body tremors and rigamortis will set in in the immediate vicinity of a pack or a hard ball get.
Patto leaves hospital alone to contemplate his future.

[Sly]

I have Neo Nazi hoons at my disposal? When did this occur? Why was I left out of the loop?

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Sly LeKoupa.
The Last Remaining Bad Guy.
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