Nick's Posting XXII - Round 3, 2014

[Tannin]

Nick's Posting XXII - Round 3, 2014 -



....... will be announced at the conclusion of the Match Committee meeting which began at 4PM this afternoon and remains in session.

Sources close to the Committee report that the meeting is deadlocked and the Secretary has been sent out for pizza. Then sent out again for a case of red. Just after nine tonight, neighbours reported hearing screams, followed by three gunshots. The doors remain locked and the Committee is apparently still to reach agreement on the team selection.



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UPDATE

According to a surviving member of the Match Committee, who wishes to remain anonymous and probably also keep both of his kneecaps, there was a strong push to retain the winning side which returned from Sydney unchanged for the tough game against the Cats. On the other hand, the Committee wanted to accommodate the return of injured stars like key forward Jackass and veteran ruckman Stui Magpie. Late in the evening, a revised, smaller Match Committee was formed and a modest number of bodies removed to the kitchen where they will "come in handy for something", according to Beast, the one-armed Head Chef.

On the bench, Mossi comes in to sit alongside Breadcrawl (who did better than expected last week and has been retained to see if he can go back-to-back, or possibly back-to-goat) and Neil.

Last-minute fitness tests ruled out both of last week's disgraced locker-room brawlers, Lazza and Jackass, but they are "99% right and certain to play next week". "We just didn't want to risk them in a big game at this stage of their recovery", our source added. Giant ruckman Stui Magpie has recovered fully from his .. er ... colourful social disease .... and is rumoured to be ready to tear Geelong some new anal orifices with his bare ... er ... hands when he finally gets to take the field sometime during the game. His temper is unlikely to be improved by the retention of stand-in ruckman September Zeros and Stui's selection in the dreaded substitute role.



OUT:

• Neil Appleby (Virus)
  
• Dave the Man (Omitted)
  
• Born to Pie (Traded to Carlton)
  

IN:

• Dr Pie
  
• Stui Magpie
  
• Mossi
  

As a result of the shootings .... er .. I mean Match Committee deliberations .... last night, major changes have been made to the coaching staff. The foremost of these is the replacement of geriatric Director of Coaching John Wren with the energetic and resourceful E. Coach Tannin explained the switch: "As a committee, we felt that, all things considered, it was better to have E inside the tent pissing out than outside the tent pissing in."

Young Inquisitor Generalis: Dr Pie has been called up to play on the half-back flank (where he will put the Geelong forwards to the question) and has been replaced with the fearless David, a man for whom no question is unaskable and no methodology too unspeakable. Koz became statistician last week because he could count up to two and possibly even higher; the appointment of An_Inkling promises even greater mathematical wizardry. Meanwhile, disgraced former Director of Coaching John Wren becomes Propaganda Officer. He is unlikely to achieve as little in that role as its former occupant, David. Finally, we are proud to announce the appointment of the esteemed Doctor "Exercise to get in shape? Round is a shape!" Morrigu as head of the medical department. On her advice, former Fitness and Conditioning Coach watt price tully has been sent to the pizza shop to shape up.

Run out there and whup 'em good boys and girls. (Not to mention Brenny.) I want to see a strong, traditional Collingwood win this week. And I'll tell you this much: the Match Committee has resolved, no matter the cost, that if you buggers go down to the Pussies this week, there will be hell to pay. If we finish Round 3 with only one win on the board, there will be no mercy. Selection from then on will be - and I want you to listen carefully when I say this - selection will be strictly on the numbers. No exceptions, no mercy. This is a man's game and if you are not sufficiently afraid of me, Think Positive will thrash you.

[watt price tully]

[swoop42]

^No umpires were hurt we just shot jack_spain 3 times because, well, um, once just wasn't enough.

In our defence we were all legless.

[Neil Appleby]

Three bullets for Jack? Blimey! One was ample.....always a soft target. Should have saved at least one for the wretched Collie Dog though; sometimes putting a dog down is the only kind way to go.

[swoop42]

[3.14159]

[John Wren]

gone missing. not really surprised.

[Wokko]

Looks like the coach has taken his coaches association credit card off to the nearest house of ill repute. I call for an immediate enquiry.

[Stupied]

[Piesnchess]

Sounds like a Coup de ta to me, an overthrow, a rat in the ranks has usurped the coach. I await with bated breath. !

[Cuthbert Collingwood]

stuff youse all. this team is better than a team of Buckleys
b: cc, cc, cc
hb: cc, cc, cc
c: cc, cc, cc
hf: cc, cc, cc
f: cc, cc, cc
foll: cc, cc, cc
bench: cc, cc, cc, cc
coach: cc

[King Malta]

[3rd degree]

Good to see Kyle Martin named this week

[stui magpie]

^
King Monkey was getting excited there for a second.

[Dave The Man]

Where is the Team?