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Gender and domestic violence

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stui magpie Gemini

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.


Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: In flagrante delicto

PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2018 8:04 pm
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David wrote:
^ I acknowledge that emotional abuse is a form of violence, but I don't think that qualifies at all. Emotional abuse is stuff like manipulation, bullying, isolation tactics and constant put-downs. I wouldn't put nagging in that category.

https://au.reachout.com/articles/what-is-emotional-abuse


I disagree. It's totally about manipulation and control and is done by someone determined to get their own way because what they want is more important.

There's several stereotypes about it.

happy wife, happy life. AKA, man is a life support system for a wallet and woman must get what she wants.

Jokes like "I haven't spoken to my wife for ages, I don't like to interrupt her"

What she did is commonly called "pushing his buttons" and, unfortunately, many men still do resort to violence when they get pushed too far.

For the sake of clarity, I repeat again, I am not justifying or condoning his actions nor saying she deserved it.

What I am saying is, she created a situation that she could've easily de-escalated but chose to escalate it instead.

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David Libra

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Joined: 27 Jul 2003
Location: Andromeda

PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2018 10:39 pm
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I’d argue against even that. Did she create a situation in which she was working hard to cook dinner for everyone and take care of screaming kids while he was sitting around playing video games for hours? Did she create a situation in which she asked him to come to the table and he ignored her? Maybe what happened after could have been better handled by her, but provocation doesn’t only cut one way.
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think positive Libra

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Joined: 30 Jun 2005
Location: somewhere

PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2018 11:00 pm
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Spot on David.
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swoop42 Virgo

Whatcha gonna do when he comes for you?


Joined: 02 Aug 2008
Location: The 18

PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2018 11:23 pm
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It should be no surprise to anyone that much to our detriment men are more prone to outbursts of violence than women while women are just as capable of being emotionally manipulative as any male and some would argue even more so.

To me this situation came about because we have two emotionally immature individuals who didn't take the steps necessary to placate the situation.

He could have turned off the video game and not resorted to violence.

She could have not spoken to him like a mother scolding a child and left the area after getting his original reply.

In the end both were looking for an argument and while he will feel the wrath of the media she is asking for him to be allowed home.

Like I said in my OP dysfunctional relationship 101.

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think positive Libra

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Joined: 30 Jun 2005
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 14, 2018 7:48 am
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Reading a lot into the half conversation you see in the video..
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stui magpie Gemini

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.


Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: In flagrante delicto

PostPosted: Fri Dec 14, 2018 9:11 am
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David wrote:
I’d argue against even that. Did she create a situation in which she was working hard to cook dinner for everyone and take care of screaming kids while he was sitting around playing video games for hours? Did she create a situation in which she asked him to come to the table and he ignored her? Maybe what happened after could have been better handled by her, but provocation doesn’t only cut one way.


Assumptions showing your bias.

Who said she even cooked dinner, let alone having to work hard to do it? Maybe the Uber eats had arrived.

Screaming kids? Only at the end.

Hours playing a video game? Length of time is disputed

He didn't ignore her, he replied that he'd come later

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think positive Libra

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Joined: 30 Jun 2005
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 14, 2018 10:17 am
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stui magpie wrote:
David wrote:
I’d argue against even that. Did she create a situation in which she was working hard to cook dinner for everyone and take care of screaming kids while he was sitting around playing video games for hours? Did she create a situation in which she asked him to come to the table and he ignored her? Maybe what happened after could have been better handled by her, but provocation doesn’t only cut one way.


Assumptions showing your bias.

Who said she even cooked dinner, let alone having to work hard to do it? Maybe the Uber eats had arrived.

Screaming kids? Only at the end.

Hours playing a video game? Length of time is disputed

He didn't ignore her, he replied that he'd come later


So is yours!

I don’t get the defence, why is anyone defending him? Ho is the one who chose to get violent, there is no excuse for his actions. But but but but but, there are no buts.

Mind you she is a bloody fool if she takes him back, with all the publicity she has a real chance to escape. . She’s 21 a baby still with three babies, hopefully someone with more maturity helps her and those poor kids out.

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Last edited by think positive on Fri Dec 14, 2018 10:22 am; edited 1 time in total
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HAL 

Please don't shout at me - I can't help it.


Joined: 17 Mar 2003


PostPosted: Fri Dec 14, 2018 10:19 am
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She wants that information kept confidential.
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stui magpie Gemini

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.


Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: In flagrante delicto

PostPosted: Fri Dec 14, 2018 10:58 am
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I'm not defending him. He hit her, no excuse.

I'm just flabbergasted that anyone could think that extreme nagging is acceptable behaviour and not see that she provoked and escalated that situation.

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think positive Libra

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 14, 2018 12:17 pm
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It’s not acceptable behaviour, have you asked yourself how hecould have done reacted differently to defuse the situation? Maybe pause the game and answer her with his full attention?
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stui magpie Gemini

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.


Joined: 03 May 2005
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 14, 2018 2:19 pm
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Absolutely. He had several choices, so did she.

He could have:

Paused the game as you said and spoken to her
Stopped the game and did as she asked
Stop the game, get up and walk out because of the nagging.

Hitting her wasn't an option.

Out of curiosity, if you're playing on your ipad and hubby speaks to you, do you put it down and give him your full attention?

She also had choices. She could've accepted his first response instead of continuing nagging, but for mine what is really stupid is her behaviour after he slaps her the first time.

Her options then included:

Hit him back
Start crying and play the guilt card
Walk out, grab the kids and leave the house
escalate the nagging

2 of those are smart moves, 2 are dumb. She chose one of the dumb ones, twice.

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luvdids Sagittarius



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 14, 2018 3:55 pm
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stui magpie wrote:
Absolutely. He had several choices, so did she.

He could have:

Paused the game as you said and spoken to her
Stopped the game and did as she asked
Stop the game, get up and walk out because of the nagging.

Hitting her wasn't an option.

Out of curiosity, if you're playing on your ipad and hubby speaks to you, do you put it down and give him your full attention?

She also had choices. She could've accepted his first response instead of continuing nagging, but for mine what is really stupid is her behaviour after he slaps her the first time.

Her options then included:

Hit him back
Start crying and play the guilt card
Walk out, grab the kids and leave the house
escalate the nagging

2 of those are smart moves, 2 are dumb. She chose one of the dumb ones, twice.


Under "her options" I see only 1 'smart move' - take the kids and leave.
Please don't tell me getting violent with him because he was violent to her is considered a 'smart option' by supposedly educated people???

BTW, SHE said she cooked dinner, an hour ago.

I've seen 2 versions of this episode now, the original few seconds that was on the news and the extended 3+ minute one (can't find the link in here & CBF continuing to search). By the end of the 3 minute version I was in tears. Regardless of her "nagging" he should never have laid a hand on her and could have really done without the f**n dog, I pay the bills, get the F out of my life etc etc.

And yes, the kids may have only started screaming at the end of the video but were there for all of it. What a great role model that pig is, showing his little girl how a man should treat a woman.
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think positive Libra

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Joined: 30 Jun 2005
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 14, 2018 4:02 pm
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Depends on the look on his face TBH! Not because I’m scared but because I’m not working! My husband has the strongest work ethic of anyone I ever met, sometimes I forget not to try and live up to it!

You see her reaction at face value as dumb, her reaction tells me this is not a once of, she is used to this treatment. For Some battered women feeling pain is better than feeling nothing, lack of love and attention makes you numb. The make up an apologies are what make some stay, until it’s too late, and by the time the apologies stop, the woman is beyond being able to see a way out. All self esteem and confidence gone. Women, mothers especially have it ingrained to help, to fix, to make it better, that’s how it starts. But you can’t fix everything. I’d take a guess at what her childhood looked like.

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think positive Libra

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 14, 2018 4:11 pm
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And yes I know I sound like Oprah or doctor Phil, I was living on my own, I got pleurisy and I was plonked on the coach, and I remember clear as day Doctor Phil telling someone that your an adult now, you and only you are responsible for your happiness now.

Having a shit parent is cruel, not fair, and far far too common, You can’t change it, you just have to learn to deal with it, and stop the cycle. That show changed me, made me grow up, and it paid off for my kids. But I still have moments of longing for the childhood I never had. I blamed my mum for a long time for not leaving, for what happened to us, and then slowly I realised She just was dead inside and she just couldn’t do it. My father killed her twice in my mind even if her death certificate says natural causes.

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Woods Capricorn



Joined: 21 Aug 2013
Location: Melbourne

PostPosted: Fri Dec 14, 2018 4:35 pm
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Bill Burr sorts this whole issue out in his famous 'no reason to hit a woman' stand-up routine.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rksKvZoUCPQ
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