Jokes Jokes and More Jokes

[stui magpie]

From Lehmo

A bloke is struggling to think of a Christmas present for his wife and decides to get her a golf lesson, figuring it would be nice to play together. Being smart, he organised himself a lesson at the same time. She was actually thrilled at the idea when he told her on Christmas day and couldn't wait to go for the lesson.

So as soon as the club opened after Christmas out they went together. The Husband went first and slaughtered his first shot, skidding it along the ground about 50 metres.

The Golf Pro shook his head and said to him, "Geezus, you need to loosen that grip, you're choking the life out of the club."

The man asks. "How do I do that"

The Pro replies, just grip the club like you'd grip you wife's breasts"

The man nods, composes himself, and nails it 250m straight up the middle.

The Pro nods and turns to the wife and asks to see what she can do.

Like her husband, she tops the ball and skids it 30m along the ground.

"Geezus" said the Pro. "You also need to loosen your grip, you're also choking the life out of it. Just hold it like you'd hold your husbands old fella"

The woman nods, sets up, swings and barely knocks the ball off the tee. It travels about 3 inches"

"OK" says the Pro. "First take the club out of your mouth"

[Culprit]

The phone rings, and the woman answers. A pervert with heavy breathing says, "I bet you have a tight arse with no hair". The woman replies, Yes I do, he's watching footy, who shall I say is calling?

[stui magpie]

I asked a Kiwi mate how many girlfriends he's had.

He fell asleep counting them.

[stui magpie]

Never feel guilty about eating and/or drinking unhealthy things, use the science of relativity.

Alcohol and Sugar are healthier than Crystal Meth, so grab another slice of cake, your drink of choice, and enjoy.

[stui magpie]

Why wasn't the Chinese boy allowed to play Baseball?

He ate the Bat.



I'll see myself out.