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Culprit
Joined: 06 Feb 2003 Location: Port Melbourne
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And the news keeps coming. My youngest daughter who I have a major relationship issue with (as everything wrong in her life is my fault) has become engaged. Her partner proposed whilst Skydiving in Noo Zooland. So it's going to kill her to have to invite my partner and I to the wedding. Interesting times coming up. |
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David
to wish impossible things
Joined: 27 Jul 2003 Location: the edge of the deep green sea
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Hopefully you'll both be able to put your differences aside and celebrate a huge event in her life, even if it still takes years afterwards to be properly reconciled. Life is too short for grudges and resentment. _________________ "Every time we witness an injustice and do not act, we train our character to be passive in its presence." – Julian Assange |
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think positive
Side By Side
Joined: 30 Jun 2005 Location: somewhere
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Why not put out an olive branch then? None of my business, I don't know the situation, but I do know life can be short, things end when you don't expect it, regrets will plague the living. I watched my nephew and my brother in law try and make up their differences on my brother in laws death bed. My nephew tore apart their whole family in the last two years, of course none of it was his fault, (hint it all was, but certain things in his upbringing helped fuse the time bomb) I'm still not sure he gets it, I'm still not sure he will make it out alive in all honesty, saw him last night for the first time since the funeral - he's been working - and hopefully straightening out his life his head his health his bank balance- in WA. His mother will probably never forgive the pain he caused his father, and his parents really did try everything until it was clear he had to hit bottom on his own. I hope his fathers death was that bottom. But he will never get back those two wasted years.
My problems with my father are no secret, I owe him nothing. But his time is coming to an end. And as much as I say now 'stuff him, I've done my bit, my sisters can do it' I know in my heart it will probably be me. And that's ok too, because when he's gone I can live with myself. No he doesn't deserve it, but revenge is a waste of time. In all honesty I'm not sure how many of my tears will be grief, how many, relief. How sad is that?
Think about this please. Is it something that can be salvaged? How much will it cost you to be the bigger person? How much will you gain by giving - well how ever much that is?
The roller coaster of life can be a good thing, the greatest of times make the greatest of battles worth surviving. I'll tell myself that next time I'm having a major anxiety attack! Do you really want to lose your daughter? This should be a joyous time. Why let that time be tainted? Read my byline. I try to live by it now.
Congrats to your daughter and her fianc, taking the plunge while taking the plunge! May they have a wonderful life, and may you be a happy participant in it! Cheers! _________________ You cant fix stupid, turns out you cant quarantine it either!
Last edited by think positive on Thu Aug 17, 2017 10:44 am; edited 3 times in total |
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Culprit
Joined: 06 Feb 2003 Location: Port Melbourne
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Oh I have been trying to reconcile to get the relationship back and contacting me with the news as soon as she got back is a positive. The issue will be meeting his family as all they have heard about me is I am a charming underachieving nice twat. |
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think positive
Side By Side
Joined: 30 Jun 2005 Location: somewhere
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Culprit wrote: | Oh I have been trying to reconcile to get the relationship back and contacting me with the news as soon as she got back is a positive. The issue will be meeting his family as all they have heard about me is I am a charming underachieving nice twat. |
hopefully they have heard the saying, believe none of what you hear, and only half of what you see! let the meet the person you really are, (and hopefully thats not a charming underachieving nice twat! not that thats all bad though!!!)
how is that a relationship issue with your daughter? _________________ You cant fix stupid, turns out you cant quarantine it either! |
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Culprit
Joined: 06 Feb 2003 Location: Port Melbourne
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Give you some perspective. When I separated and my Ex was working shift work I suggested that she move in with me as the eldest two wanted nothing to do with her and they were out most of the time. My Ex agreed but the daughter said. I am not living with you, you have too many rules. End result she was out of control as my ex was working. A few things, Left school during year ten, got caught up in a cult and I was advised and contacted when she could not be found. Despite being told everything was fine. I got onto the Cult and had them set up for kidnapping unless they returned her. She was 14, she told them 18. Then she has a boyfriend who was beating her, living in a room where the owner was threatening violence against them owing rent. I visited with a few friends who owed me a favor and I fixed that situation. Mind you all the things that happened was because of me (marriage breakdown). Cries for help every time which I was always there and then when I was there I was abused it was my fault. I left many times and parked the car and cried. After 8 years of it's my fault I lost it. I simply said, I may have never been the perfect Father and I accept that I could have done things better. But tell me, when do you start accepting responsibility for your screw ups? And that was it. She has told her BF family that I beat her every night as a game and other crap. My ex is so vindictive she would not even correct that matter. My eldest two are great, so two out of three ain't bad. |
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Pies4shaw
pies4shaw
Joined: 08 Oct 2007
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think positive wrote: | Culprit wrote: | Oh I have been trying to reconcile to get the relationship back and contacting me with the news as soon as she got back is a positive. The issue will be meeting his family as all they have heard about me is I am a charming underachieving nice twat. |
hopefully they have heard the saying, believe none of what you hear, and only half of what you see! let the meet the person you really are, (and hopefully thats not a charming underachieving nice twat! not that thats all bad though!!!)
how is that a relationship issue with your daughter? |
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hajBdDM2qdg - see at 2 minutes, 10 seconds.
Any excuse! |
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think positive
Side By Side
Joined: 30 Jun 2005 Location: somewhere
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/\ hehe very good P4S
Culprit unless you instigated and caused the whole a marriage breakdown isn't just one person.
One thing I don't understand, never do, how does a 14 year old go off the rails like that? The communication problems I had with the eldest started about that age because she wanted to go by train with her friends to a disco in Richmond at 10pm at night. No $$%^%%$ way kid! I stood against the front door for nearly two hours I shit you not. Sure she could have lied and stayed at a friends and gone. I don't get it. All these 12 years olds in trouble, Why don't parents know where they are?
So very sad mate. But don't give up. Be nice, be genuine, practice saying 'is that necessary?' With a half a smile. It's very disengaging! _________________ You cant fix stupid, turns out you cant quarantine it either! |
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Culprit
Joined: 06 Feb 2003 Location: Port Melbourne
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Thanks TP, I just keep doing what my late Mother always said. Keep on being nice no matter what, at least you know you tried.
With my ex not at home she just did as she pleased. I know I am not solely responsible and in saying that as I am the one that walked I cop the blame. I walked away as there was no love there. I lost my Brother (OD) and my Mum found him and she died a few months later of Cancer. My ex said I changed after they died (no shit). Let's say that was the start of the downhill slide. I lost a lot of weight as I thought my ex wasn't interested in me and then I was accused of having an affair. In the end I said, you can have everything except my music equipment, Motorcycle and Car. Sat the kids down and explained to them that it was for the best. I left and started all over again. The house was from my late Mums inheritance and I gave it to her knowing my kids will have a roof over their heads. |
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think positive
Side By Side
Joined: 30 Jun 2005 Location: somewhere
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There's a country music song in that. Of course you changed, something's you never fully recover from. I miss my mum every single day. And my brothinlaw was as good as my blood brother. Today I've been a soppy mess for some reason. It took hubby's brother getting sick last year for my hubby to gets some empathy. He's a completely different person. Good luck with it all mate. Truly. _________________ You cant fix stupid, turns out you cant quarantine it either! |
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Culprit
Joined: 06 Feb 2003 Location: Port Melbourne
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Thanks TP. |
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Skids
Quitting drinking will be one of the best choices you make in your life.
Joined: 11 Sep 2007 Location: Joined 3/6/02 . Member #175
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think positive
Side By Side
Joined: 30 Jun 2005 Location: somewhere
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$$%^%%$ hell that needs a spoiler alert. How disgusting. What th3 **** is wrong with some people, how is that entertaining or sporting. _________________ You cant fix stupid, turns out you cant quarantine it either! |
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watt price tully
Joined: 15 May 2007
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Culprit wrote: | Thanks TP, I just keep doing what my late Mother always said. Keep on being nice no matter what, at least you know you tried.
With my ex not at home she just did as she pleased. I know I am not solely responsible and in saying that as I am the one that walked I cop the blame. I walked away as there was no love there. I lost my Brother (OD) and my Mum found him and she died a few months later of Cancer. My ex said I changed after they died (no shit). Let's say that was the start of the downhill slide. I lost a lot of weight as I thought my ex wasn't interested in me and then I was accused of having an affair. In the end I said, you can have everything except my music equipment, Motorcycle and Car. Sat the kids down and explained to them that it was for the best. I left and started all over again. The house was from my late Mums inheritance and I gave it to her knowing my kids will have a roof over their heads. |
Tough & complex stuff. Good luck with it. _________________ “I even went as far as becoming a Southern Baptist until I realised they didn’t keep ‘em under long enough” Kinky Friedman |
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ronrat
Joined: 22 May 2006 Location: Thailand
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Something not quite right here. West Java would be mostly muslims. Muslims beleive both pigs and dogs are unclean. Who are they selling the meat to?
If it was cock fighting I might be a bit more convinced.
West Java is around where krakatoa blew up. And home to a heap of universities. _________________ Annoying opposition supporters since 1967. |
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