The Truth About the Sydney Swans.

[Sly]

In the continuing quest for ratings and hits, The Collingwood Rant contacted Richard Colless - the President of the Sydney Swans - for the next in our series of Presidential Interviews.

Sly: Thank you for joining us at The Collingwood Rant, Mr. Colless.
Richard Colless: My pleasure.
Sly: Now there's a fair degree of cynicism which seems to come inherent with your position.
Colless: Cynism? From whom?
Sly: Well, everybody.
Colless: Who's everybody?
Sly: Well...me. In the past, the Sydney Football Club has had mogul-representatives in the Presidency whose footballing knowledge has been limited and who haven't had the best interests of Sydney at heart.
Colless: I can assure you I have the very best interests for Sydney at heart.
Sly: You have the best interests for the Sydney Football Club?
Colless: Oh! You meant the Club?
Sly: Yes.
Colless: Well, that should go without saying.
Sly: Let's look at performances. Grand Finalists in 1996 and you've basically gone backwards since.
Colless: Sly, I believe a Football Club can be in either of three states. It can be moving forward, it can be moving backward or it can be stagnating. Having said that, at a certain point when you're moving backward you're actually moving forward.
Sly: Like when you're rebuilding?
Colless: We don't like to do that in Sydney.
Sly: Well, let's pose a hypothetical: what would you do if Sydney - if the Sydney Football Club - went through a horror-slump the equivalent's of Collingwood circa 1995-to-2000?
Colless: Don't be stupid, Sly. The AFL would never let us stay down for that long.
Sly: No?
Colless: No. We'd like to think any game not involving the Sydney Football Club is a Draft and Recruiting Showcase for our players of the future.
Sly: Really?
Colless: Of course, Sly. How long do you think it'll be before Matthew Lloyd's running around in our guernsey on the Sydney Cricket Ground?
Sly: But he's just re-signed for two years with Essendon.
Colless: That's largely irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.
Sly: Your game against Fremantle was described as "the worst in living history."
Colless: That's a fallacy, Sly. Typical Victorian prejudice.
Sly: It was reported in the Sydney newspapers.
Colless: Look, Sly, we were so good that the Fremantle Football Club went out and sacked their head coach Damien Drum after they lost that match.
Sly: That had been brewing for over a month.
Colless: Nonsense. We dealt them a killer-blow which Fremantle felt was irrecoverable for Damien Drum.
Sly: Well, you seem to be in something of a rut now - how are you handling that?
Colless: Handling the Team is the demesne of the Coach. I don't like to intrude upon on-field matters. {pauses} Unless we're sacking the Coach, then it becomes our demesne. But as we're not doing that I don't think it's prudent to intrude upon on-field matters.
Sly: But there's a relation between on-field success and off-field success. And popularity.
Colless: Sly, we're as popular today as the day we got here.
Sly: And that's a good thing?
Colless: It's an extremely good thing. Don't believe the hype you might get there in Melbourne.
Sly: That the Swans are an ongoing pet-project who'll seemingly never stand independently in their own right, regardless of whatever moderate success they may experience, and have to be spoon-fed by the AFL not only to guarantee their own survival but also their attraction and novelty to the Sydney people?
Colless: Oh, okay. Believe it, then.
Sly: Well, why have the Swans failed to capitalize on being the sole Team in one State, albeit a non-Footballing State? But considering the success you've experienced, you'd like to think you'd be enjoying far more success.
Colless: Look, Sly, at Sydney we don't like to shift blame - unless it's on previous Administrations and Geoffrey Edelstein - but despite really glorifying upon our status, we feel it's a very exciting time for the Swans. Didn't you see the Poll in your Herald-Sun? We're the most popular Team by far.
Sly: But any Poll is simply a representation of the people questioned. The only accurate way to find a true representation is to interview all the people - and that's not going to happen, obviously.
Colless: Sly, that's typical Victorian prejudice. Look at North Melbourne's aborted attempt to shift to Sydney. Do you know why that failed?
Sly: Because your Administration sabotaged it?
Colless: Okay, do you want to know another reason why that failed?
Sly: Shoot.
Colless: Because the Sydney Swans are so great that we FILL the State. When you're as good and popular as us, there's no room for anybody bar us.
Sly: Okay, saying that, finish this sentence: The Sydney Swans are the Envy of...
Colless {thinks about it}: The Sydney Swans are the envy of...the Sydney Opera House.
Sly: The Sydney Opera House?
Colless: Well, let's see the Sydney Opera House fit an average of thirty thousand people - more or less.
Sly: More or less?
Colless: Less.
Sly: Just before I let you go, are the Sydney Football Club in competition with the Sydney Opera House?
Colless: Sly, are you unfairly and cheaply insinuating that the Sydney Football Club appeals to the selfsame demographic who might attend the Sydney Opera House?
Sly: It never even occurred to me.
Colless: Good. Because we're not.
Sly: Mr. Colless, thank you for joining us.
Colless: Really, we're not.
Sly: Thank you.
Colless: You don't have to believe me - ask anybody.
Sly: Okay - thank you.
Colless: My pleasure, Sly. Thank you for joining us.
Sly: You joined me!
Colless: Oh, sorry - membership habits.
Sly: This is TCR signing-off.



Sly.
MTA.
The Collingwood Rant.

[junkboy75]

hahaha....fantastic

"everyone's a winner hot pies"