Footy Funnies!!

[Lazza]

Mick Malthouse, Nathan Buckley and Eddie Maguire go out for dinner one evening but are involved in a car accident and are standing before God at the throne of Heaven.

God looks at them and says, "Before granting you a place at my side, I
must first ask you what you believe n."

Addressing Mick first, he asks "What do you believe ?"

Mick looks God in the eye and states passionately, "I believe in giving people a chance. That beauty is something deep within the soul and there is nothing beyond our reach if you work hard enough for what you believe in."

God looks up and offers Mick the seat to his left.

He then turns to Nathan. "And you Mr Buckley. What do you believe?"

Nathan stands tall and proud. "I believe courage, honour and passion are the fundamentals to life and I've spent my whole sporting career providing a living embodiment of these traits, particularly passion!!"

God, moved by the passion of the speech offers Nathan the seat to his right.

Finally, he turns to Eddie. "And you Mr Maguire. What do you believe?"

"I believe", says Eddie, "that you are in my seat".

------------------------------------

On a tour of Victoria, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the Pope-Mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off shore.

A helpless man, wearing a Essendon jumper, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot white pointer shark.

As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men wearing Collingwood jumpers. One quickly fired a harpoon into the sharks' side. The other two reached out and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Essendon fan fromthe water.

Then using long clubs, the three beat the shark to death and hauled it, too, into the boat. Immediately, the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach.

"I give you my blessing for your brave actions," he said. "I have been told about there being bad blood between Essendon and Collingwood but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not true."

As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies "Who was that?"

"It was the Pope", one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom."

"Well," the harpooner said, "he may have access to God's wisdom, but he doesn't know jack about shark fishing. Is the bait holding up O.K., or do we need to get another one?"

[RitchieColeRocks]

i have to say the first one wasn't that funny because of the death involved, imagining them dying was just... eww brought back thoughts of pants... but the second was brilliant...