Post-Olympic Code of Conduct

[Broadie]

I was sent this by a friend of mine. The original author isn;t listed, Mike, so I hope we can still keep this up....

Now that the Olympics are over and we are no longer the centre of the universe (although we've always been pretty bloody close to it) it's time to get back to normal so:

1) You can stop smiling now.

2) Same goes for being nice to everyone.

3) People looking confused or lost whilst holding maps can be ignored as per usual.

4) People with foreign accents can be made fun of.

5) People wearing big ID badges around their necks should be told they look like morons.

6) Same goes for wearing the official SOCOG volunteer gear. It's finished, get over it.

7) The Sydney 2000 t-shirts that sold at the Olympic Park Megastore for $60 bucks last Friday are now being sold at Paddys Market at 3 for $10.

8) Chants of "Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi" will not be tolerated. Police have sanctioned the use of violence against anyone who does. Expect to hear the frequent sound of Police gunfire a lot over the next week or two as those who have forgotten the Olympics are over are subtlely reminded.

9) Expect to hear the frequent sound of Police gunfire again anyway.

10) Wearing a tracksuit emblazoned with the name of some forgotten tinpot ex-Soviet Union dictatorship will no longer give you preferential entry into the best clubs in town. (Though I do have a few Krygystan ones still for sale at $14.95 for both shirt & pants, purely for novelty value of course.)

11) You don't have to watch Archery, Shooting, Greco-Roman Wrestling, Equestrian, Synchronised Swimming, Badminton, Hockey, Sailing, Tai Kwan Do etc etc ever again (at the very least not for another 4 years anyway. Though I'm sure the Greco-Roman Wrestling will always go down well with the local denizens in Oxford St in one form or another.)

12) Trains will again start derailing and City Rail staff can go back to being their normal surly selves. "Mind your step Ladies and Gentlemen" will be replaced by the familiar refrain of "The 5:28 to Berowra is delayed by 45 minutes and will now not be stopping at this station. Cityrail apologizes for the inconveniance but realizes that as you have no real alternatives you'll just have to put up with it. Ha ha ha ha ha......."

13) Ditto for the planes

14) And the buses

15) All the homeless people who were trucked out to "hospitality camps" will start reappearing in the inner city now that all the tv cameras have gone and Frank Sartor & Bob Carr admit to everyone "Yes, of course we were only hiding them while the Olympics were on. Whaddaya bloody think?!?!"

16) All the new street plants will not be replaced.

17) There will be public hangings of anybody found wearing the following: a) Australian flag capes b) Australian flag caps & hats c) Australian flag t-shirts d) Australian flag flags

1 No one will use the Superdome, the Hockey stadium, the Baseball stadium, the Equestrian centre or the Archery & Shooting ranges again.

19) It will take you an hour & a half to drive 10km, not the 15 minute trips you've been blissfully enjoying for the last 2.5 weeks.

20) You'll never feel as un-selfconcious singing the national anthem or Waltzing Matilda in a full subway car with complete strangers ever again.


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Broadie

[Spidergirl]

An athlete was given 3 comdoms--->1 gold, 1 silver and 1 bronze so he asks his chick what colour he should use. "Silver" she replies "so you can cum second for once"...

Better than the Darren Millaine jokes anyway!

???

[AlfAndrews]

Spidergirl ... LOL!!!

Broadie,

What is "Equestrian Synchronised Swimming"?
Oh, hang on. There's a comma between them. Sorry.

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**floreat pica**

[Broadie]

Spidey - are you going to give Sam Newman the credit for that one?

I heard him use it on Sam & the Fatman last Thursday. Incidentally, does anyone else think that "Sam & the Fatman" was one of the worst, most peurile shows ever aired? It proves that without Chins McGuire, Sam is nothing.

[Spidergirl]

No i am not gonna give Sam Newman the credit for that one u know why coz i never heard it from him --->My weirdo Psychology teacher told it to me (see what we learn at my dumb school)!!!

???

[Broadie]

That's fantastic, Doug - bloody funny stuff.

AS for my Sam & Fatman evaluation, I'm not holding my breath on any improvement. EVERY segment lacked direction and I barely cracked a grin all through the show. I've never held any regard for Paul Vautin as a compere or panellist, and this just confirmed it (I actually used to watch the Sydney Footy Show a fiar bit about 4-5 years ago, but Fatty - and others - put me right off it). There are almost no sporting "personalities" who can solo compere a show. Brereton only JUST manages it.